You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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