i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
