Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
