i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
