Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
