Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
