i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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