Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
