My room smells like vodka and shame
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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