If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
