I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
