oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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