You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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