Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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