Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
