do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
