$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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