i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
