guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
