the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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