Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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