Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
