Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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