go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
