i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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