you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
