We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
