you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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