Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
