How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
