your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
