I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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