yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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