Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize