I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
