He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
