I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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