hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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