I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
