Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am one with the molecules
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
