Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
