This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
