This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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