If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ttyl tear gas
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
