does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
