Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
