I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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