Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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