i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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