My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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