Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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