$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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