Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
