She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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