mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
