If i come over, it means nothing
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
