Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
