accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
