i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
