the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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