Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
