I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
