how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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