My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
