i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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