He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
