I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
