from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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