i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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