What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
