You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
