i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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