I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
