At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
