:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
