yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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