Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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